Adjusting My Eyes
Have you ever loved a friend more than they loved you? Is that one of those seemingly solitary experiences that’s actually much more universal than it feels?
Have you ever let that experience make you feel intrinsically unlovable? I was deep in that crummy spot recently. I opened my heart to God, desperate for some perspective and for reassurance. What came to me were the words of an old hymn.
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.”
I thought that was such a tender way to pull me out of my pity party and remind me of the one true source of unfailing love. As I focused on Christ, I felt washed in His love and mercy as the pain of this earthly relationship became blurry and slipped out of focus. I still want a deeper relationship with this person, but I’m no longer looking at myself through the lens of that insufficiency and (perceived) judgment. I can be content with less than I would like when I focus instead on the MORE I have in Christ. He takes me from insufficiency to “my cup overflows;” from longing for deeper connection to being fully known inside and out; from questioning my worth to knowing I am fearfully and wonderfully made, fully known and fully loved; from feeling sorry for myself to worshiping and reveling in Him.
He’s awesome like that.
As the deer pants and longs for the water brooks, so I pant and long for You, O God. My inner self thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God?…Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my countenance, and my God.
Psalm 42:1-2, 11
I *really* like this. I have definitely felt that way before, and it’s NO fun. Thank you for sharing your encouraging words.
Agree with Em…this is so right on target. Thanks for sharing.
I am really glad you wrote this post. It speaks strongly to me. It is a lonely experience, but we are not alone in having experienced it. I imagine, even, that this person has felt the same way with someone else at some time. And I imagine I will feel this way again. We desire so strongly to give our love away. Reminds me of the George Strait song “Give it Away”. And just when I get really going with my pity party, I remember the precious & wonderful family I have, plus the many blessings besides. Thanks for reminding me again.