the state we're in

Kendrick and I were so fortunate to be able to attend a Weekend to Remember marriage conference this past weekend.  It was an incredible weekend of learning, conviction, and connection that I think will really “stick to our ribs,” if you will.

But all of that was threatened on Friday afternoon as I faced a major blow-up at the office.  I won’t go into any details (it sounds more impressive if I leave it shrouded in mystery), but regardless of how major or minor it actually was, it felt MAJORURGENTMELTDOWNANDPANICNOW! In fact, the last thing I did before I hurried out that afternoon to pick up a friend and leave town was listen to a partner in our firm rant to me about how pissed off he was, angrily searching for someone to blame.  And although his anger wasn’t pointed at me, I was the lucky recipient all the same.

I was shaking when I got to my car, overcome with fear, anxiety and guilt (is it possible I could have done something 6 months ago to prevent the present crisis?  it’s possible).  I wasn’t sure how I was going to calm down and enjoy the weekend, but God was so gracious.  At 6:30pm on Friday, as we were pulling into the conference hotel, I got a very calming phone call from the most unlikely source–my boss.  His lack of concern over the situation was just what I needed to put my mind at ease and I was filled me with gratitude for the reminder of how the Lord cares for us in the details of our lives.

I loved the weekend, even knowing that the crisis was waiting for me back at the office.  I was convicted by this quote from David Martyn Lloyd-Jones in our weekend workbooks: “Faith is the refusal to panic,” and I had some of my favorite girls praying Isaiah 30:15 for me as I returned to work: “This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…’”  My lingering anxiety revealed my small faith, but I truly did find peace and grace in repentance.

via D.Fletcher

Finally, on our way into downtown this morning, I saw the faintest rainbow up in the sky.  Immediately, my heart swelled and I remembered God’s promise of protection.  This time, instead of anxiety, I was overcome with peace and a certainty that God would resolve this situation in his compassion and sovereignty.  I didn’t know what that would look like, but I received His promise and let go of all my worrying and striving.

I love searching the sky for God’s handiwork and have a (not always appreciated) habit of exclaiming wildly (some might say dramatically) when I catch sight of a pretty moonscape.  My habit of claiming the rainbow as a personal promise to me is pretty new, but I think it’s biblical and I think it makes God happy when we hear His voice and remember His promises.  How does God speak to you through creation?

By the way, I’m happy to report that, as of lunchtime today, the issue has been resolved and is now in my rearview mirror.  Tied up neatly with a bow.

I have set My bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between Me and the earth.
Genesis 9:13